I want to tell you about the last two months — about catching up with old friends; about the things that made me laugh; about the places I went and the people I met and the experiences I had just existing in the present moment.

You would be happy to know that you’re still bringing me together with people, and you would remind me that I should’ve listened to you the past decade to be more patient and to make time to get to know people, rather than just work all the time and shut out the world. You would love hearing about all of the stories being shared.

I want to tell you about how you’re still changing my life. Remember how we used to joke about who was really the more mature one? I was only 4 weeks older, so I guess it didn’t really matter. But you were always so much better at so much more. I’m still trying to be like you, you know? Kinder, extroverted, a better listener, unapologetic about your thoughts and perspectives.

I want to tell you about how I’m trying to make you proud, and how it’s struck me how often you would tell me you’re proud of me even when I hadn’t really done anything that big that was worth being vocally proud of. You were proud of me just for being myself, for fighting for what I had; and I think you were also proud of me for choosing life even through the worst days. I never really realized how much those “I’m proud of you” messages really meant until now.

And beneath it all, I want to tell you about how much I miss you and how I’ll keep missing you, and how much the memories of our Pisces/Aries friendship made me cry and laugh (sometimes at the same time; especially when I walked through the dorms a few weeks ago and suddenly remembered we actually met on the basketball court, and how silly that really is).

I want to tell you that I've promised to not let this break me, and no matter what comes next, I just want to keep making you proud.

Love,
Traci